Good Rabbits

Went to the main doc this week.  He confirmed that baby B is a boy and I saw the goods to prove it.  Baby A was really shy and wouldn't show anything, so he couldn't confirm the other doc's statement that baby A is a girl.  He did say, "I think it's a girl because she's being very shy and hiding and boys don't have any problem showing off their stuff!"  I don't think that's scientifically sound, but there you go.

Assuming we have a boy and a girl, we will be having "good" twins.  In Chinese, the character for woman or girl is:

and the character for son or boy is:

If you put the two characters together, you get the character for good:

 

So, boy/girl twins are good!

Since this is the year of the rabbit, we're having (assuming Baby A is in fact a girl) good rabbits!  

If you've noticed a little hesitation in my embracing of Baby A being a girl, it's based on history.  When my sis was preggo, her doc was convinced she was having a girl based on the ultrasound.  All the ladies in Mexico (and a few latinas I showed pics to of my preggo sis) were all convinced that she was having a boy by the way she was carrying the baby.  As it turned out (but not after many friends had bought adorable girly gifts), Alessandra was really Alejandro.  So, I'm leaving the door open in my mind that it might be two boys, just in case.

Ours being the second set of rabbit twins in the Gee family this year, we are certainly living up to the sign!

belly pics

My apologies to anyone that this makes uncomfortable, but I've now had a few requests for belly pics.  The first is around Week 4 and the second is toward the end of Week 15.

 

Did you hear that?  Week 15.  We're aiming for at least 36.  We're not even half way there (and the first few weeks don't count, see above diag. 1). I still can't quite wrap my head around how big I'm going to get...

Week 15 ultrasound

Well, these aren't the best pics, you can't really see much, partly because the pics I got were not that great and also partly because our scanner is pretty poor.  In any case, if you try really hard with Baby B (the supposed boy), his head is on the left and you can see his profile--sort of...  I don't really get Baby A (the supposed girl), she's all wonky.  The tech tried to point out an eye and a forehead and other things (on the right side) and I have no idea what's going on with her body in the pic.  Rest assured, as they did the rest of the ultrasound measuring every bone and organ, she did look more human.  I forgot to ask how long they are, but think navel oranges and you'll be close.

Big News

After being asked so many times: "Do you know what they are?" (the deeper ontological question that this suggests we mostly let pass, since we know what is really meant by the innocent inquiry), we finally have the verified truth regarding the sex of our two offspring.

.....

Claudia, I'm sure, will have more to say about this, but I will just let you know that we we are going to have one boy and one girl. This news should make just about everyone happy, except for maybe our niece, Bethany, who couldn't understand why we would ever want to have a boy, and she'd gladly let us take her brother, Paul, home for a week to learn why not....but besides her, there should be something in this for everyone: Frilly clothes, baseball attire, pink and blue galore.

Of course, we will just be happy when they are actually born and healthy and complete. Until then, we'll be nervous and will scrutinize every new sonogram that we receive for the signs of lack, genius, and beauty. Then we can worry about the color of their clothes (which for the record, we're big fans of gender-neutral attire), their car seats, and the sleeping arrangements. Then we can worry about the important stuff. The stuff that makes fathers and mothers and all-night serenades for sleepless babies. Can't wait!

Shopping

We are slowly immersing ourselves in the overwhelming world of baby gear.  On our first outing we started slow, a small boutique near our house.  We tackled the first thing by the door--strollers.  We'll need one of those!  A saleslady came to show us their twin models.  Grand total of 4, whew, that limits the options.  She pointed out the pros and cons of each, and demonstrated how easily they fold up and how heavy they are to get in and out of the car.  We paid attention, took notes, and were quite interested in learning so that we could make the right choice.  Once that demo was finished, we started strolling the rest of the tiny store which couldn't have been bigger than our living room.  After about 2 minutes, we looked at each other, yup, we're done.  Overwhelming.

We rested for the remainder of that day and set out again the next day.  We hit THREE much bigger stores.  We decided to stay focused on strollers and cribs while getting a feel for each of the stores.  Thank God we discovered that there is an inexpensive, lightweight stroller we just drop the infant carrier seats into that will take us through a few months after the babes are born.  Baby Trend Snap N Go.  Sweet deferring of a decision until later.  :)  On to cribs!

By the time we got to the third store, still a big chain, but a little hoity toity, we had lost some of our zeal, ok, pretty much all of it.  We walked around, dismissed every crib as inappropriate, sat in one recliner to "test" it... and left without touching anything else in the store.  I looked at D as we left and asked: Are we going to be terrible parents because baby stores make us want to puke?...

OK, moms and dads out there (anyone out there?).  We would love for you to post up to 3 (no more, please, we can't handle it) absolute must haves to get us started in making our shopping list.  And I mean, links to actual products, not just categories.  We already have our short list of necessities from a compassionate friend with a grand total of the 8 types of things we need before the babies arrive.  Now we need detailed help.  Thanks in advance for your wisdom!

Our favorite product we encountered on our outing:

Baby knee pads?!?!?!!!  For reals?  Doesn't junior also need wrist pads?  But wait, protect his toes, too, oh and get him a helmet.  God help us.  That poor boy will never be able to slide into second.

Technology - good, bad or just ugly?

So, let me just start this off by saying that we are now totally relaxed about the adventure I'm about to describe.  We are very optimistic about having healthy babies and trusting God in the event we don't (OK, trying to trust God even if we do, but that's a continual struggle).  We are also learning some lessons about parenting and worry that we will probably continue to learn for another 40 years...

This all started one fine Monday morning with another doctor's appointment.  Since I am borderline advanced maternal age (AMA)--2 months shy of 35 on the babies' "due date", the docs want me to do some extra testing.  It's still weird to me to call it their due date because we all know that they will be due much earlier than that, but I digress.  This appointment was with a specialist who was going to perform an NT scan.  For all the readers who are not AMA moms, apparently the measurement of a fold in the neck of a fetus (embryo? I can't ever remember which one we've got at this point) has a high correlation to risk for genetic abnormalities (Down Syndrome, Tri-something 18, something else that causes male infertility, etc.).  Obviously, if you're looking for technical information or more details, you'll need to do some google research.  So, the way I understand it works, they take your age and family history and you have a baseline risk factor.  Essentially, your chances that your baby will have a genetic problem.  Then, they measure this tiny little space on the neck of your baby(ies) and take your blood to look for something and take the age of the baby(ies) and throw it into a formula along with your age and family history, compare all your numbers to thousands upon thousands of other moms and their stats and spit out a new risk factor.  Got it?

OK, so I start my Monday morning with genetic counseling, which was essentially trying to explain to a non-medical person all that stuff above and then taking my family history.  I did get some insight into whether certain conditions of various family members (cancer, diabetes, seizures, etc.) might run in the family or not, which was interesting and nothing too worrisome, since it's mostly guesswork anyway.  I was told that my baseline risk for a genetic abnormality was 1 in 120 something (or maybe 140 something, now I can't remember).  In any case, I accepted that that's the risk for women my age and still feel young, so wasn't too worried about that number.

Next, I shuttle off to the maternal fetal specialist (no clue really what that means, but she did have super cool equipment for a snazzy ultrasound and is supposed to be really good at measuring this little fold in the neck).  I was totally entranced looking at the little guys who were looking less like tadpoles and more like little people.  Their heads were still disproportionately large, but I could start seeing features, it's just really amazing technology, right?  In any case, doc and I are talking about how she wants me to stop doing everything, no walking, park close to everything, etc.  I told her one of my docs said to spend an hour lying on my left side starting at 12 weeks, her response, I don't know how he expects a lawyer to do that!  Then she proceeds to tell me that I should try to start working from home at 24 weeks.  Like that's easy to do!  In any case, all is going well until she starts bumping my belly.  One of the little guys wasn't moving much, so I asked her if that was a problem, she says no, but she was trying to get the baby to reposition so she could remeasure the neck.  Uh oh.  She then says, she's tried and tried, but it looks like one of the little ones is in the range for increased risk of a genetic abnormality.  You want the folds to be under 2.5.  Baby A measured 1.1 and Baby B measured 2.5.  That's when I fell apart.  Tears started rolling before I even had the slightest clue what I was upset about.  I suppose it's my first mom experience that something might not be perfect.  Doc told me that she wouldn't be surprised if the blood test came back abnormal.  More tears.  She said we should consider whether or not we want to have an amnio done (google it, I can't even get close to adequately explaining).  But, no matter what, we should consider something like an echocardiogram to have a cardiologist look at the heart development after 19 weeks.  That's apparently a side effect of Down Syndrome and something we could possibly need to plan for (surgery in utero, specialists at the birth, etc.).  More tears.  Brain on overload.

Somehow, I manage to schedule a followup, walk out, and drive home safely.  Hubby has been great and attended just about every single doc appointment I've had, but he had a meeting, so I told him not to worry, it's just another appointment, etc.  Yeah.  Hubby left work immediately and met me at the house when I called in tears.  I called work to say I wasn't coming in, and planned on learning everything I could about what had just happened and what it really meant.  After about 3 minutes on the internet, I crashed.  Slept all day.  More emotions than my overworked (I'm growing two babies, after all!) body could handle.

Longest post, ever...

All kinds of questions ran through my head: since we're having twins, does the fact that one is low mean my normal is low and the other is certain to have a problem, sort of like a control group?  if the high one has something really bad that means it doesn't survive to term, what does that mean for the other one?  why did we go through all this trouble to get preggo if we're just going to have a special needs child, should we have just adopted?  it went downhill from there.  After a nap and getting a grip, we knew we needed to wait until we got the results from the blood test and the formal assessment of risk.  No matter what it said, none of this is a positive diagnosis.  We could have 1 in 3 risk and be 1 of the 2.  Or, we could have 1 in 7,000,000 risk and be the one.

My regular doc called on Thursday (incidentally, right after I prayed with my pastor who had given me sage advice and much reassurance) to tell me that he just got the results of my tests and that Baby A has 1 in 6,000 chance of Down Syndrome and Baby B has 1 in 330, right around my baseline, which is 1 in 312.  Woo hoo!  1 in 330 sounds great!  Particularly when you fear much worse.  But, what?  I was told my baseline was 1 in 140 something?  Paper shuffling, doc responds, I don't know why anyone told you that, it says here 1 in 312.  Huh?  And, even more importantly, the risk for the other genetic issues (the scary ones), is very slim.

So, where are we now?  I still don't exactly understand all of this, but decided to go with the 1 in 330 number, which incidentally puts me just over the risk where they "officially" recommend an amnio.  So, no amnio and hope for the best.  We might still do the cardio thing, since a heart problem would require some extra intervention.  But, after hearing that the risk for the scary genetic problems is really low, we're not as concerned about Down Syndrome and know these babies will be a blessing to us and many others. I think we just got our first lesson of many about worrying about our kiddos.  I've been told it doesn't stop, even when they've grown up, clothe and feed themselves, get married, get a good job, and on and on.  Why did we sign up for this???

SAHD, SAHM or Both/And?

Believe it or not, life as an academic administrator can be pretty sweet. One works a reasonable day's work, takes home a reasonable day's wage. While not extravagant, the lifestyle it affords is also not destitute. At least as a university administrator, I will have ample opportunity to move up and around the university and to maintain a stable income and lifestyle.

In fact, with the credentials in hand (the PhD, holy grail of university credentials), one isn't necessarily brilliant or even smart, but has paid the dues of entry into this unique and (for me) fulfilling world...But then, like many people our age, C and I decide to have a family. Of course, we don't just start slowly with, like, one child, but with two at one go! This isn't Earth-shattering news or even that unique anymore, but it pushes us to consider our post-birth options in a new light.

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

We have basically three options for childcare after our respective employer-sponsored leaves are exhausted: 1) Enroll our kids in daycare--Rice offers a Montessori-style daycare center at a reasonable, though not inexpensive, cost. The Rice daycare offers 7am-6pm coverage for the kids, and is just a couple minutes away from my office, should there ever be an emergency, or if I just want to have lunch with the young ones; 2) Hire a nanny--this would allow us to keep the kids at home longer, expose them to an all-Spanish context during the day, and if we're lucky, have someone at the house who does a bit of cleaning, as well as cooking while we're bringing home the bacon. All this for only a bit more than the cost of two children enrolled at daycare; 3) Stay-at-home parent--one of us could stay home and be with the kiddos until they are of sufficient age to go to school on a regular basis. Traditionally, the mom is the one to "volunteer" to do this, but given certain, ahem, "disparities" in the salaries that C and I take home on a monthly basis, one has to give serious thought to the prudence of such a traditional division of labor. Yes, it would make more financial sense for me to take the hit and be the stay-at-home dad for a few years, and then jump back into things after the kids grow up a bit. There are actually networks for stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), much as there are for SAH moms. It is not an option we have explored too much at this point, but we're both open to the possibility. We think and pray about it regularly, but probably will not make a definitive decision until we have the little boogers in our hands.

I forgot one other option. We could both cut down our work schedules say, to 3 or 4 days a week, covering for one another most of the time, and having a nanny cover the times that neither of us can be home. This would be more complicated, more frustrating, but, perhaps more fulfilling for both of us in some ways. It would, however, require flexibility of mind, body, and spirit that we would both have to grow in to. One more thing in our lives that will change, one way or another...

Week 12 ultrasound

Here are the little guys from last week.  The bottom one is not bigger than the other, that's just the way the ultrasound worked out--sort of like zooming in on one.  Pretty cool, though, because you can see the bottom baby's face (profile, nose looking up at the baby on top).  This doc is predicting 2 boys, but it's all just guesses at this point, nothing determinative.  I don't have another appointment for 2 weeks, so we still won't know for a little while.

David and I ventured out to 4, count 'em, FOUR! baby stores this weekend.  More on that experience later...