Relearning how to live

I'm going through a season of transformation. I cut my hair, quit my job (and started a new one), sold my convertible (waaaaaaaaa!!!), and am starting to learn how to live again. I've talked about this with other moms, so I know I'm not alone in that having kids often means that we lose our identities outside of being our kids' mom. It's more than other people's perceptions, too. It's actually in living life.

Even quite early on, during the first few months of SylRafa's life, I didn't really know what made me happy anymore. My sleep deprived hormonal self was forever consumed by baby tasks. Bottle washing. Clothes folding. Diaper buying. Food preparing. Worry. Worry. Worry. Until those rare days when both kids were asleep and there was only one basket of laundry and half a day's dishes and so we gave ourselves permission to take a break. D would go watch an hour of football or whatever he felt like. And me? I would sit in our room and weep. Because I didn't know what to do, now that I had a free hour, that would make me happy. Which is a little crazy because the pre-baby me was pretty much happy doing just about anything. So, part of it was losing touch with my inner happiness and part of it was just forgetting what it was like to not be consumed by living completely for someone else--or someones else in our case.

Well, lately, as another aspect of my season of transformation, I'm relearning how to live. I'm rediscovering some of my prior pastimes that simply make me happy. And I'm learning that it's not just the simple activity. But, it's also giving myself permission to do something for me. Something that I enjoy. And it's okay to not work on my 'to do' list. I might go to bed with things left undone. Or not have a perfectly tidy house when guests come over. Or we might have cereal for dinner. Embracing that it's all okay has been liberating. And has brought happiness back into my life.

Don't get me wrong. My children often make me happy. And I enjoy them. But there's more to me than that. And I want to rediscover that soon rather than waiting for years and it becomes increasingly more difficult to separate myself from my momself.

I was going to close last night by saying that I was going to read a book or do a crossword or whatever other thing sounded fun at the time, but I fell asleep. So, maybe I'll have to keep working on it...

puzzles

SylRafa are OBSESSED with puzzles. And they're really good at them, which is quite fun to watch. They can conquer a 24-piece about as fast as D.

We have a set of 4 puzzles, each with a different animal on them. So, it's a lot of pieces when they're all mixed up, which is to say, always. Today, Sylvia was putting together the fish and Rafa was working on the dog and I was sorting out the pieces. I shuffled and passed and enjoyed watching them work and thought my work was done. Until Rafa said, "This isn't for the dog, it's for the cat!" I love being schooled by a two year old...

love

food!

a tooth!

BabyOscar's first tooth is peeking out!

He also discovered his feet about a week ago.

I realized I need to document a few more of these occurrences because I did buy a baby book and one day I might start filling it in and I'll need some info for it. Or maybe I'll just print this blog and stick it inside...

the road to independence

Every month, the kids grow up a little more. And they become a little less dependent on Mami and Papi. I know I'll one day look back and long for the days of our twinfants and twoddlers. But, after a long day and there are three kids to feed, three kids to bathe, three kids to dress for bed, two kids to brush their teeth, and on, it's pretty nice when they can start doing some of the tasks themselves. SylRafa's latest accomplishment is undressing. Thank goodness, so far that's only resulted in a naked boy in bed twice. Once because he was bored and didn't want to sleep, and once because he wanted different pajamas. I thought I had successfully distracted him from the fact that he wasn't in his chosen PJs (they were dirty). But, it only lasted until lights out and he was stuck in bed with little to do but focus on his discontent.

Sylvia is also now daytime potty trained. She doesn't just tell us that she needs to go, but she will undress and climb up on her own. You go girl!!

And babyOscar, well, I hate to talk about it, but he's learning to go back to sleep on his own without parental assistance. Game changer. [Except for that one night Mami went out of town and he knew he could get Papi-time so he decided to be awake for over an hour during the wee hours. Smart kiddo. Papi would choose other adjectives.]

sleep fun

Since so many posts are about sleep, I wanted to share this take on all the advice out there on baby sleep. The important part is also at the bottom of this post.

Also, a wise mom with three grown children recently told me: "I think people over analyze childrearing these days. It's not rational. It's instinctual. I have the instinct, you have the instinct. It's motherhood."

I agree. Mostly. Instinct plus Ferber.


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I'm posting the fun part of the article I mentioned and linked above in case the website takes the page down. The writer is a mom of 5-month old twins.

Neyer's brilliant take on expert sleep advice:

"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately.

Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.

Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college.

Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS.

Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing.

You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home.

Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction.

Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."

ah, sleep

As I climb into bed with a book and a chocolate, I begin to let my body rest, one clenched muscle at a time. And I prepare myself for blessed sleep. And I listen to my son cry over and over and over again, "no voy a dormir!...no voy a dormir!..." [I'm not going to sleep!...I'm not going to sleep!...]. (We're going on 30 minutes now.). Until his poor, weary body fails him and he gives in to the blessed sleep.

At what point in our lives did we cease fighting sleep and begin to relish it? And how do I convince the kiddos to get there sooner?

Questions for another day.

Good night.

Santa and snowmen

One of the best things this Christmas was the kids' excitement with Santa and snowmen. They're too young to have any understanding of the Santa story or snow (since they've never actually seen it). But, we got a Santa and a snowman stuffed animal last year. (They're not animals, but a stuffed Santa just doesn't sound right...). When we got out the Christmas decorations, the kids fell in love with their squishy friends. Much to their delight, they discovered Santas and snowmen EVERYWHERE. And each time squealed with joy. We have never been big on the commercialization of Christmas and the often over-the-top decorations. But, the delight of little children might inspire even us to put a light up plastic Santa in our yard next year!

We didn't go have pics taken with Santa this year, but Grandmother did manage to snap one with a Santa statue. So, in case we get more ambitious in the future and make it a tradition, here are year one and two.

third child update

Let's see, what have we forgotten about in our third child's life... He rolled over from back to front the Friday before Christmas. He rolled over from front to back this weekend, but sure looked like he'd done it before. Maybe we hadn't noticed? He still LOVES people and is very smiley. He giggles a little. He grabs things, but doesn't chew on much except for burp cloths. He does like opening and closing his hands, which also includes scratching his poor little face and head. He has some eczema like Sylvia, so it might be because he's itchy. He doesn't like pacifiers and pretty much only sucks on bottles with hot milk. He's super sensitive about his milk temperature. Kinda makes me crazy (especially since SylRafa drank it at any temp, including straight from the fridge). I mean, consider the logistics of heating a bottle while juggling 3. Particularly on a road trip!

This boy also eats like there's no tomorrow. The twins never had more than a 6oz bottle, although they are a little more frequently. This guy regularly eats (drinks?) 8oz and once ate 10! Of course, it sometimes requires a mid-feed reheat, that's how crazy he is about the milk temp.

[I wrote this before yesterday's wee morning post, which I wanted to post immediately, but I'm keeping it for posterity.]

He has been a crappy sleeper. Between congestion, travel, those two ear infections, and apparently reflux, he has been waking a bunch at night, not been very smooth able and is now reliant on the bottle to go back to sleep. Yikes! We put him back on reflux meds and that has helped tremendously. He doesn't spit up as much and we have him down to waking once or twice a night.

We naively thought one child would be easier than twins. If he is, it's not by much. But, just like in spite of the challenges of SylRafa, we love him with our whole hearts. And when he's not being a pain, he loves freely and fully and his joy is evident from head to toe. And he's a big boy, so that's a whole lot of love and joy.

time to sleep...

I admit I'm losing patience with Ozzie's poor sleeping habits. So, I made the executive decision last night at 2am to sleep train for reals. Lack of sleep will push you over the edge. Poor D had to leave our room and go to the other side of the house around 3:30. Yeah, still going at 3:30. By 4, he finally wore himself out or gave in. Is this a sign of future stubbornness?

So, tonight, after a weak attempt at his last bottle of the day due to SylRafa nuttiness at bedtime, which D handled singlehanded AND one arm escaping his swaddle, he woke at the appointed 2ish hour and is now back asleep ON HIS OWN! We were convinced this would be a multiple awakenings night. And I'm still watching him, in disbelief, wondering when he'll wake up. I don't want to be so hopeful that all it took was one night of sleep training, lest my dreams be dashed again, but I'm so grateful that we've escaped a night of wailing and extra feedings and all the craziness.

Ok, watching him sleep, while adorable, is probably not the best use of my wee hours. So, time to sleep. Praise God.

it's what's for dinner

SylRafa have been obsessed lately with pancakes and ask for them at most mealtimes. We haven't been giving them to them but once a week at breakfast, typically on Saturday morning.

Since they kept asking, one evening I decided to give in. But, if they were going to have pancakes for dinner, by golly, Mami was going to be sure they got some veggies.

So, green pancakes it is!




As I was making them, I kept telling them how fun it was going to be to eat green pancakes. And they say in the kitchen and watched them be prepared, so they wouldn't be expecting plain white ones and decide not to eat the green ones when they showed up.

Did they care that they were green once they got some honey to dip them into? I think not! And while it's not a large amount of spinach in their little bodies, it's better than none, so I'm counting it as a victory. We may never eat boring, white pancakes again.

third child update

Let's see, what have we forgotten about in our third child's life... He rolled over from back to front the Friday before Christmas. He rolled over from front to back this weekend, but sure looked like he'd done it before. Maybe we hadn't noticed? He still LOVES people and is very smiley. He giggles a little.

He's still a crappy sleeper. Between congestion, travel, those two ear infections, and apparently reflux, he has been waking a bunch at night, not been very smooth able and is now reliant on the bottle to go back to sleep. Yikes! We put him back on reflux meds and that has helped tremendously. He doesn't spit up as much and we have him down to waking once or twice most nights. So, back to sleep training we go.

This boy also eats like there's no tomorrow. The twins never had more than a 6oz bottle, although they are a little more frequently. This guy regularly eats (drinks?) 8oz and once ate 10! He is a growing boy!

resemblance

I got out my childhood photo album to show SylRafa pictures of mami when I was a kid. As we came across this pic, Sylvia pointed at me and said, "Rafa!"




If only I also had his striking Chinese blue eyes...

mami's little helper

I spilled a little formula on the ground while feeding baby Oscar and hadn't had a chance to clean it up. Sylvia noticed it and decided to help. So, she grabbed some Kleenex and carefully attended to the milk.





That can't be normal, child. I mean, helping is wonderful. But I would have expected a wadded mess. Not three carefully laid tissues. I hope this won't cost me a fortune in therapy one day...

angel

orders for mami

We've entered the stage where our children have started bossing us around. Making their demands known. Telling us what to do. D and I are fairly consistent in our approach to teaching them to make requests and ask nicely, etc., etc.

Part of their impetus is more of the play-by-play narration, but a bit preemptive because they like predictability in their world.

Tonight, at dinner, Rafa was in such a mood.

R: Mami, grab the bottle (my wine glass) [don't mind if I do].

Grab it lower [move hand down to stem].

No, with the other hand. [switch hands].

Mami, drink! [if you insist!]


And sometimes we don't bother fighting their bossiness and we just obey.

more love

The brotherly love photo reminded D of this:

brotherly love

observations, predictions, and...

The kids' chatter is often a play-by-play of the world around them. Sometimes, now, it's also a description of what they want to happen. And other times...?


C: It's time to sleep.

S: Mami sleeps in the big bed. Papi sleeps on the sofa.


Other times we just laugh. And they have no idea why.

cats

While visiting Grandmother and Granddaddy, SylRafa had to traverse the front porch where a stray cat had decided to take up residence. They still don't like animals and have a strong fear of any that are closer than 5 feet away. (Which makes me wonder now if one ever attacked them while out with the nanny...). So, every time we came and went, they moved cautiously, scanning the porch for the cat. Screaming and tears ensued if the cat came bounding back to greet us or we couldn't sweep SylRafa in our arms as we went past. Sylvia often gave herself pep talks on our way in and out.

S: The cat won't bite Sylvia. The cat will bite mami, not Sylvia.

S: The cat won't eat Sylvia.

(Once, I shielded her from the cat, but he jumped over to greet Rafa and breached his 5ft safety ring)
S: Sylvia isn't scared of the cat. Rafa is scared of the cat.