I'm going through a season of transformation. I cut my hair, quit my job (and started a new one), sold my convertible (waaaaaaaaa!!!), and am starting to learn how to live again. I've talked about this with other moms, so I know I'm not alone in that having kids often means that we lose our identities outside of being our kids' mom. It's more than other people's perceptions, too. It's actually in living life.
Even quite early on, during the first few months of SylRafa's life, I didn't really know what made me happy anymore. My sleep deprived hormonal self was forever consumed by baby tasks. Bottle washing. Clothes folding. Diaper buying. Food preparing. Worry. Worry. Worry. Until those rare days when both kids were asleep and there was only one basket of laundry and half a day's dishes and so we gave ourselves permission to take a break. D would go watch an hour of football or whatever he felt like. And me? I would sit in our room and weep. Because I didn't know what to do, now that I had a free hour, that would make me happy. Which is a little crazy because the pre-baby me was pretty much happy doing just about anything. So, part of it was losing touch with my inner happiness and part of it was just forgetting what it was like to not be consumed by living completely for someone else--or someones else in our case.
Well, lately, as another aspect of my season of transformation, I'm relearning how to live. I'm rediscovering some of my prior pastimes that simply make me happy. And I'm learning that it's not just the simple activity. But, it's also giving myself permission to do something for me. Something that I enjoy. And it's okay to not work on my 'to do' list. I might go to bed with things left undone. Or not have a perfectly tidy house when guests come over. Or we might have cereal for dinner. Embracing that it's all okay has been liberating. And has brought happiness back into my life.
Don't get me wrong. My children often make me happy. And I enjoy them. But there's more to me than that. And I want to rediscover that soon rather than waiting for years and it becomes increasingly more difficult to separate myself from my momself.
I was going to close last night by saying that I was going to read a book or do a crossword or whatever other thing sounded fun at the time, but I fell asleep. So, maybe I'll have to keep working on it...
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
puzzles
SylRafa are OBSESSED with puzzles. And they're really good at them, which is quite fun to watch. They can conquer a 24-piece about as fast as D.
We have a set of 4 puzzles, each with a different animal on them. So, it's a lot of pieces when they're all mixed up, which is to say, always. Today, Sylvia was putting together the fish and Rafa was working on the dog and I was sorting out the pieces. I shuffled and passed and enjoyed watching them work and thought my work was done. Until Rafa said, "This isn't for the dog, it's for the cat!" I love being schooled by a two year old...
We have a set of 4 puzzles, each with a different animal on them. So, it's a lot of pieces when they're all mixed up, which is to say, always. Today, Sylvia was putting together the fish and Rafa was working on the dog and I was sorting out the pieces. I shuffled and passed and enjoyed watching them work and thought my work was done. Until Rafa said, "This isn't for the dog, it's for the cat!" I love being schooled by a two year old...
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
a tooth!
BabyOscar's first tooth is peeking out!
He also discovered his feet about a week ago.
I realized I need to document a few more of these occurrences because I did buy a baby book and one day I might start filling it in and I'll need some info for it. Or maybe I'll just print this blog and stick it inside...
He also discovered his feet about a week ago.
I realized I need to document a few more of these occurrences because I did buy a baby book and one day I might start filling it in and I'll need some info for it. Or maybe I'll just print this blog and stick it inside...
Sunday, January 19, 2014
the road to independence
Every month, the kids grow up a little more. And they become a little less dependent on Mami and Papi. I know I'll one day look back and long for the days of our twinfants and twoddlers. But, after a long day and there are three kids to feed, three kids to bathe, three kids to dress for bed, two kids to brush their teeth, and on, it's pretty nice when they can start doing some of the tasks themselves. SylRafa's latest accomplishment is undressing. Thank goodness, so far that's only resulted in a naked boy in bed twice. Once because he was bored and didn't want to sleep, and once because he wanted different pajamas. I thought I had successfully distracted him from the fact that he wasn't in his chosen PJs (they were dirty). But, it only lasted until lights out and he was stuck in bed with little to do but focus on his discontent.
Sylvia is also now daytime potty trained. She doesn't just tell us that she needs to go, but she will undress and climb up on her own. You go girl!!
And babyOscar, well, I hate to talk about it, but he's learning to go back to sleep on his own without parental assistance. Game changer. [Except for that one night Mami went out of town and he knew he could get Papi-time so he decided to be awake for over an hour during the wee hours. Smart kiddo. Papi would choose other adjectives.]
Sylvia is also now daytime potty trained. She doesn't just tell us that she needs to go, but she will undress and climb up on her own. You go girl!!
And babyOscar, well, I hate to talk about it, but he's learning to go back to sleep on his own without parental assistance. Game changer. [Except for that one night Mami went out of town and he knew he could get Papi-time so he decided to be awake for over an hour during the wee hours. Smart kiddo. Papi would choose other adjectives.]
Saturday, January 18, 2014
sleep fun
Since so many posts are about sleep, I wanted to share this take on all the advice out there on baby sleep. The important part is also at the bottom of this post.
Also, a wise mom with three grown children recently told me: "I think people over analyze childrearing these days. It's not rational. It's instinctual. I have the instinct, you have the instinct. It's motherhood."
I agree. Mostly. Instinct plus Ferber.
===========
I'm posting the fun part of the article I mentioned and linked above in case the website takes the page down. The writer is a mom of 5-month old twins.
Neyer's brilliant take on expert sleep advice:
"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately.
Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.
Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college.
Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS.
Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing.
You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home.
Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction.
Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."
Also, a wise mom with three grown children recently told me: "I think people over analyze childrearing these days. It's not rational. It's instinctual. I have the instinct, you have the instinct. It's motherhood."
I agree. Mostly. Instinct plus Ferber.
===========
I'm posting the fun part of the article I mentioned and linked above in case the website takes the page down. The writer is a mom of 5-month old twins.
Neyer's brilliant take on expert sleep advice:
"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately.
Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.
Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college.
Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS.
Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing.
You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home.
Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction.
Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)