leaving my babies

The time had come when I needed to leave the babies for a whole night. Twice in one week. Ok, one was a need (work) and other was fun (our first night away for a quick vacay). I had a CLE a few hours away on Thursday and Friday. The plan was for me to wake up early on Thursday, load the car, feed the babies their first meal, then hit the road. That was the plan.

My boss said that the babies would get all messed up. Because they would know. I thought it was no big deal because D has had to put them to bed and do the whole night routine without me when I had meetings, etc. First time moms are never right.

Wednesday evening, as I picked Sylvia up to change her, I noticed that she felt really hot. Really hot. Took her temp 102.5. How did she know??? Doc said not to worry if she had no other symptoms (she didn't) until she developed them, her temp was 105, or if it lasted more than 3-5 days. Should I stay or should I go??...

D was a champ and was up with her in the middle of the night when she felt crummy and didn't want to go back to sleep. And D convinced me he had it all under control, that I should go. So, I did. And it was hard. It made me sad to leave them. Mostly because Sylvia was sick and I wanted to help comfort and care for her (and felt that as her mom, I'm uniquely capable of doing that). Also because I would miss them during my first trip away.

The next morning, we got to video call which was wonderful to see Rafa's face as he tried to understand why mama's voice was coming out of and face was on the little gadget that mama and papi carry around obsessively. He kept touching the screen as his brain processed it all. It was wonderfully heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

I was back Friday evening and then D and I got ready to go again Saturday morning for 2 days with great friends and our first trip away from the twinfants. We are incredibly fortunate to be able to do this because D's parents agreed to drive in for the weekend to babysit. Sylvia was doing much better Friday evening. So much better that she didn't want to go to bed until 10:30!! Three and a half hours past her normal bedtime. Maybe she knew and was just eking out those last few hours with mama and papi.

Saturday morning, at breakfast we put them in their high chairs and let Grandmother feed them while we escaped. And Rafa had the biggest sulking face you've ever seen. He knew. And just like when we put him in the stroller and he hates it but knows there's no way out, he sulks. Stares through us as if we don't exist. So, I walked out that door again.
And looked forward to the second night of glorious sleep in a week. But, of course, both times, I woke up at 6am, the same time that the twinfants wake me up at home.

We asked our nanny to help out with bedtime Saturday night, particularly since Sylvia was a little sick. Thankfully, her temp stayed down Saturday, although she was covered head to toe with a rash. Granddaddy correctly recognized that as roseola, which means she's getting better. All those days raising three boys gave the Grands experience and wisdom I wish I had rather than bumbling blindly through caring for kiddos who can't talk.

Sylvia has 6 teeth now and Rafa is working on teeth 3, 4, and 5. They've broken through, but are barely visible. People often ask if teething bothers them. I don't know. They cry sometimes and are fussy sometimes. Is it because of teething? Or they're tired? Or hungry? Or something else? We often don't know.

But, what I do know, now, is that I can leave my precious babies in the care of others for an extended period of time, 34 hours anyway, even while they're sick, and it will all be okay. They--and I!--will survive.