field trip

Somehow, I've convinced myself that my life is completely overwhelming and I have more things to do than hours in the day. Poor D has born the brunt of this stress and sweetly hurts for me when I start to fall apart. Today, when we had a couple hours in between hospital visits, I suggested that D run an errand. He thought it would be nice for us to go together and somehow that seemed overwhelming because in my head there are just too many things to do for us to both go. Then I looked at the to do list I had sitting next to me that I was frantically checking things off of and realized, we can do all of these things this weekend. And if we don't, it's no big deal. So, off we went and spent some nice time together focusing on something other than the babies and enjoying each other's company. It was also, the second time since July 9 that I left the house to go somewhere other than a doctor's appointment or the hospital (the first was an outing in August to go to a baby shower). The field trip was amazing for my sanity. Hopefully, it will be incredibly beneficial for my mental state going forward as well. I realized that it's important for us to keep getting things done when we have a few minutes here and there, but if I want to take a break from everything and watch a little football, everything will be just fine. We're capable people, we can handle this. Deep breath.



The feeding tubes came out today. Hooray! Unfortunately, Rafa still had an A&B. Ugh. It breaks my heart every time he has one. I know that it's because I'm a new mom and I just want everything to be perfect for my children and for them to not suffer at all. I don't think that he's really in pain or anything, but he is sort of suffocating for a little bit when they happen. So, I'm learning that I can't protect my babies from everything. Some things (most?) are out of my control. We've heard this lesson before, haven't we?...